I’ve always liked the little newsletters that come in Christmas cards. Maybe I’m nosy, but I like knowing what’s going on in people’s lives. I like the context, I guess. This is my last post of 2015 and a long overdue one at that. So, in honor of the season I thought I’d write my own newsletter.
In January I was thrilled to interview for an editorial position at the magazine I had always dreamed of working. (Think: Devil Wears Prada). After a—no joke—8 minute interview I learned the position I was interviewing for had been filled already. I was crushed.
In February I went through 3 weeks of casting for a well-known fashion reality show and learned why they say acting is not for everyone. I also learned that reality TV is for SURE acting. After just barely missing the final cut I stood weeping in the kitchen in Ryan’s arms. Crushed. Again.
A dear friend moved away in February and after watching two dreams slip through my fingers by what seemed, at the time, by my own doing, I felt like God had tricked me. Life didn’t feel fun.
In March, through a series of unexpected events, Ryan’s company shuttered and he very quickly (thankfully) started working at that same magazine I had interviewed with 3 months prior. I struggled to juggle my genuine happiness for my husband finding his place and panicked anxiety —why I wasn’t good enough to land that job in January? The year wore on and I continued to look for work that excited me but nothing came. During my 26th birthday weekend, while watching the sun set over Brooklyn with some of my dear friends, I decided I had to let go. It was time to love myself fully and to trust the Lord’s plan for me fully-er.
That’s when things turned. When you open your palms up to God’s way and just stop trying, amazing things can happen. Honestly that statement is more deserving of a full essay, or a compilation of them, than one, trite sentence. It has truly taken me 20 years to arrive at this realization.
Here’s the rest of the story –
In July, Ryan and I opened a business back home with our friends. Although it’s a random field in the entertainment industry, we’ve enjoyed six very good months of business with our three counterparts. Come to find out, a new business keeps one very occupied, so you can imagine my surprise when it was the end of October and there was still no change to my full-time work scenario. I began to question how to move forward in my career. Should I freelance again? Should we move back home? Should I quit writing on the side? Was I wasting my time? No sooner did Ryan and I begin to pray about next steps when I received a call from the publishing company that I had interviewed with in January, this time for a different position at a different magazine.
After three rounds of interviews, I
tearfully happily accepted a position in a role that seems to have been designed perfectly suit to my skill set. Here I was, at the culmination of everything, towards the end of the year and finally my context arrived.
So of course, the moral of the story is that it all works out, but more so, the moral of the story is that I just walked through a year that seemed so wrong for so long only to be peacefully led into a place that is perfect. I learned how to love myself, realized that “not now” doesn’t translate to “not enough,” and that all those bumps in the road shouldn’t load up as chips on your shoulder, but rather, boosts to stand higher on.
I wasn’t joking about my impatience. The struggle is SO real. And your twenties are SO weird. But God is good. I’m overwhelmed by His grace and abundant love. I’m thankful for one of the hardest years of my life. When I think of how He loved me hardest when I felt rejected, I about go weak in the knees. I’m most thankful He gifted me with my kind, patient, best friend of a husband, who, by the way, totally rocked out this year. Seriously, Ryan is the best.
So if want, you can fold up my newsletter and put in in your back pocket or you can throw it away. As for me— I’m boarding a plane to fly to my family’s home in Kentucky and I couldn’t be more excited to watch what unfolds in 2016.
KEY PIECES: Sweater – Banana Republic // Boots – DSW // Vest – Intermix // Ryan’s Jacket – Jack Spade // Ryan’s Boots – Billy Reid // Ryan’s Glasses – Warby Parker
Per usual, all photos taken by Julia Hembree. Isn’t she great?